sickness snow and rejoicing.

being a grown up and being really sick is no joke

i've been in bed since wednesday 

one of the days i felt like i was dying

and i'm no sissie.

i'd like to say i'm a rough & tough girl

i'm independant. ambitious.

i like to get stuff done. a lot of stuff.

so maybe getting sick is just what i needed 

(even though i really didn't see it that way the day i felt like i was dying)
and then three days this week it snowed. 
yeeeeeah. it snowed.
april twenty something. 
and then i got some really disappointing news. i was really bummed. something i had worked really super hard on. and was really super excited about it. and then it fell through.
so basically the week sucked.
#firstworldprobs

i know He's putting something on my heart today to share here. my family is at church and i'm still in bed. and i sometimes feel a rush. like a surge to write things down that all of sudden seem like were spoken into my heart. little revelations maybe? i'm not sure.

the other day i thought what the heck is the purpose of being 'under the weather' God?

i mean really. i went to the dr. got the meds and now i'm on the mend. but really whats the point?

just that we live in a fallen world, that comes with death, disease, and other horrible things? so if i get this little virus i should probably just be thankful it wasn't death or one of said horrible other things?

i guess. that's probably what i should take away from this week.

one whole week wasted. orders from my etsy shop are backed up. my house was a wreck. laundry was piling up and my girls watched 27.3 hours of mindless tv while my husband struggled to take on a ridiculously busy week at work, a renovation project at church, homework, taking care of me and a head cold...

all because sometimes we just have to take the good with the bad??

 i guess.

what i waste i kept thinking.

until this morning.

when i read this.

it hit me. like a ton of bricks.

(cause i need a ton of them to get my attention when my focus is distored)

the initial blow was like an "uh helllooo" moment

and then my heart instatly softened to take in what God wanted to show me.

i was certain He was showing me this. right then.

we can rejoice. 

rejoice?

that was the farthest thing from my mind this past week laying in bed feeling like i wanted to stick a needle in my eye. ok, so i'm not saying i should have been laying in bed strumming a harp and singing the psalms in between fevers & rounds of ibuprofen. but rejoicing? in my heart maybe in the quiet of the day when i was just laying there? not even close. snapping at my kids, complaining to my friends and crying like a baby when my husband had to leave again was more like it.

why? why don't i know this already. i should have rejoiced

a quiet heart rejoice.

not like enjoy being sick.

but rejoice.

i hate it when there's one bad thing in life.

that wipes out fourteen thousand other good things i got goin on. and that's all i can focus on.

well that's how the enemy likes to set us up right? now i have to take some of the responsibility here. the enemy can only sneak into places where i've already cracked the door open a little bit. and all he needs is a hairline fracture. so if i'm already stewing on the things i don't like in life and my heart is not tapping into the source of Joy that is Jesus. well then i've already opened the door. so that's that.

we run into problems and trials. we know that they help us develop endurance.

so being sick for me wasn't just this ok take it and be happy it isn't something worse kind of experience. it was a problem. a problem to help me develop endurance.

maybe it was just the flat on my back kind of week i needed to expose some of those ugly things about myself that God wants to change. that He wants to gently work on with me.

maybe He was trying to get my attention all along... i just wasn't listening.

He wants to build my endurance.

endurance: the ability to do something difficult for a long time

relationships are hard. 

He wants me to love people and use the gifts He's given me to bless them

marriage is hard sometimes. 

He wants me to love & love fierce. 

like He loved me on that cross when He took my place, died and set me free.

parenting is hard sometimes (ok all the time). 

He wants me to guide my children towards a life with Him

not yell & scold and criticize them constantly

and endurance develops strength of character. and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. and THIS HOPE will not lead to disappointment.

i dunno about you. but i'll take any strengthening of character that i can get. i need it alot.

in fact i do notice in my quiet times. i'm always asking God for that specifically. please Father help me be a better mother to my girls. the wife my husband needs. a better daughter to my parents. a better daughter in law to my husbands parents. a better friend... help me to choose friends carefully. a better sister.  and then i love that last line. its the best part. because after all that.

after all that refining

after all that character strengthening

all that laying sick in bed for a week doing NOTHING

it will lead us to a stronger confident hope.

not just any hope. the best hope. hope of salvation.

and if all else in life does not go as we thought it would.

we can have salvation through Christ.

and that hope.

THAT HOPE

-even if everything else does-

will not disappoint.

so i guess this is a lot of info.

it was on my heart so i knew i had to share in case it's on any of yours ♥

i often overwhelm myself with things i want to change. i make the to-do list of where to start too long and too big that i look at it and give up. because i know i'll never be able to do all of it. so i do none of it.

i'm a go big or go home kinda girl and sometimes that's good. sometimes it's drives me to do good things. but sometimes i think i just need to go small and go Jesus. because i really believe He wants me to make progress, not attain perfection, towards having a heart like His.

so i chose a few things i want to start with this week. not too much. just two or three things i want to make sure i remember to do ... in areas where i feel really need some attention. and i hope this spurs you on to do the same. maybe it's a card you don't forget to send for mothers day. maybe it's that batch of cookies you keep thinking you'll make for the neighbors but never do. maybe it's just taking time to listen to your child and hear their heart. i don't know. but whatever it is i'm right there with ya.

and guess what?!?!

(read the next few lines)

:)

we can make our plans.

but the Lord determines our steps

proverbs sixteen. nine

my plans sound great most of the time.

but His plans have never failed me. any of the time

and that's coming from this hot mess.

much love